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Vulnerability, Miscarriage and Restoration!

Jasmine is a dope praise and worship leader with so much soul and an anointing that will surely encourage the broken and create an atmosphere for worship. I am super grateful to have Jasmine share her story about life’s roughest moments as she experienced becoming pregnant from engaging in pre-marital sex after years of abstinence, and delivering her 22 week old baby with no hopes of survival. Please read her interview below.

Sherika: Jasmine, how did you find yourself back in a position of pre-marital sex after living a life of abstinence? (how was your lifestyle, were you actively ministering in church, did you still feel close to God)

Jasmine: I had been in a 6 year, ABSTINENT, relationship with whom I thought was a lifelong partner. We had been engaged for 5 months before he called off the engagement. My heart was broken and left me in a low and confused place in my life. I became vulnerable and acted out of anger and hurt. I wasn’t sure how I ended up having sex because I was so guarded and didn’t want to let anyone in. However, I met this guy whom I wasn’t willing to give a chance to and somehow we gradually became closer and closer. I never really thought I had to protect myself in the area of sex because I had been celibate for so long. I thought I had it in the bag. Long story short, I let my guard down and ended up pregnant. I was a broken, pregnant worship leader at the time.

Sherika: When you found out you were pregnant out of wedlock, what were your initial thoughts? (Did you want to keep your pregnancy a secret? Were you embarrassed? When did you finally accept the fact that you were having a baby and become happy about your pregnancy? )

Jasmine: My initial thoughts were regret. Shame. Fear. Guilt. Disappointment. Embarrassed. All of those things and more. I didn’t become happy about my pregnancy until I begin telling people and saw how many people encouraged me and covered me in prayer. It was healthy support not condoning support, and that’s what I needed at the time.

Sherika: How did you lose baby Dylan? When the Doctors told you that you were going to have to vaginally deliver your baby with no hopes of survival what were the feelings and thoughts that crossed your mind? Did you ever feel like losing your baby was your fault?

Jasmine: I had a fibroid tumor that was only a few centimeters small. Throughout my 22 weeks of being pregnant that fibroid had grown and caused me so much pain. I remember on a Friday evening around 5pm I went to the ER because I was in so much pain. They told me that I was having round ligament pain and that everything with the baby was just fine. They sent me home. I would say about an hour and a half later my water broke!! I was terrified. I cried soooo hard because I already knew what that was. My now husband, rushed me back to the hospital and that’s when they told me “there’s no more water in your sac, and you’re gonna have to push this baby out tonight and he won’t make it.” For some reason even though I knew my water had broken, I still had hope that I would have a living baby boy. Little did I know my first time seeing my baby boy, would be my last time seeing him. Did I feel like me loosing Dylan was my fault? At first I did. I felt if it wasn’t for my tumor my baby would still be here.

Sherika: How long after losing baby Dylan were you emotionally overwhelmed? Do you still have moments of sadness? Did you create a memorial, do you celebrate his birthday?

Jasmine I was in a very sad place, depressed rather, for a very long time. Internally I healed over time and I’m still healing. Yes I have moments of sadness however I’m able to rejoice knowing my baby is with Jesus and I’ll see him again. We celebrate Dylan’s birthday EVERY year!!!

Sherika: How would you say your relationship with God is now? How did you get back on track?

Jasmine: Thank God, I was immediately able to get back on track. I’d say it’s easier when you have godly support and accountability partners and also when you have a man who equally wants a relationship with God as you do. We worked at it together. When I lost my baby, God was the only one I wanted!!!! Somehow I think God used that to help me find my way back to Him!

Sherika: Where are you now in life? (husband, children, lifestyle, hobbies) And what gave you the courage to share your story? How did the Grace of God keep you?

Jasmine: Now, I am married, as of August 5, 2017. I have a step son named Chase and a newborn 4 month old name Myles Reid. He’s my absolute JOY!!! Did I ever see myself getting engaged again? No time soon!!! But God has a way of making his desires for our lives, our desires. I’m still leading praise and worship every Sunday and I’m currently working on my EP. The Grace of God found me in my most vulnerable state and nurtured me back to life.

Sherika: Prior to being married, John was very supportive in the passing of Dylan. What are ways that women can comfort fathers and husbands during the tragedy of losing a child? –

Jasmine: The hardest thing is giving your husband/ child’s father support when he doesn’t know he needs it. I covered John in prayer and honestly him watching me come back to life gave him life!! Even though mourning the loss of a child has no expiration date, it’s important to not forget about your husband. They still need us.

Sherika: Now that you were able to conceive and deliver a baby, did you have moments of doubt while carrying Myles? How was your pregnancy? How did you learn to trust in God after losing your first baby boy?

Jasmine: I absolutely had moments of doubt. The enemy used my past tragedy to put fear in my heart and torture me during my pregnancy with Myles. I didn’t think I would carry full term. But I got to the point where I was tired of not enjoying my pregnancy so I started declaring things over my body I didn’t necessarily believe, until I began to believe it. I knew that God started this good thing, surely he would see it to fruition.

Sherika: Is there anything you’d like to share about fibroids tumors, the pain, the treatments and/ or severity of these tumors?

Jasmine: Fibroids are no joke. My fibroid had grown to 10 centimeters and it was very painful. It caused me to lose my baby. I had to have my fibroid removed because I knew I wanted children but I couldn’t afford to lose another child. Fibroids are common in African American women within childbearing age as well as older. We have to take care of our body’s. Sometimes they’re formed by our eating and most times their hereditary. I had a Myomectomy about 3 months after losing Dylan and it was the best decision I could’ve made.

Sherika: What would you say to other women or men who have lost their children due to unforeseen tragic circumstances?

Jasmine: I just want to encourage you to try again!! Don’t rush the healing process. There’s no expiration date. Take whatever time you need to heal, then try again. Seek God for strength like never before. Sometimes tragedies can cause people to turn from God, don’t you do that. Yield to him!!!! I’m telling my relationship with God is greater than it’s ever been. He loves us so much and sometimes it takes tragedies for us to really realize that. Keep going. It’s going to get better.

As Jasmine stated she’s married now with two handsome young kings, she is still leading Praise and Worship and working on some solo projects as well. Vulnerability pushed her to a place that was unfamiliar to her. But a tragedy allowed her to really experience just how strategic God’s plans are and how He can orchestrate a masterpiece out of brokenness. This is truly a story of being Gracefully Kept.

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